You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
