when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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