dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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