You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
