I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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