i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i will never coherently bang her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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