I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
