Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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