it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
