I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
