Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
