TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
