Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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