Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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