Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
