shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
