my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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