Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
