Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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