Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
