I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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