just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
