I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
