I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
