i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
