I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
