you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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