you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
