theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
