Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize