My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
