Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
