i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
