I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
