Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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