I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am puke
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
