Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
