You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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