all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
