Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
