There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
