somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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