I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize