I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
