but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
