When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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