we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
