wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
