Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
