a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
