you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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