I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
