Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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