Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
