never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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