1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
then he tried to convert me to islam
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
