I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
