That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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