I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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