If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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