Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
