cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
smell my finger.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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