I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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