You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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