i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Someone signed my nipple.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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