Say something about gay babies.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
