Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
