Is it normal to miss your booty call?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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