Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
