he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're hate flirting, damnit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
