What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
