Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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