I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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