i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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